You’re more relaxed

“You’re more relaxed”, says my wife.

And she’s right. I am!

I like my work, and I work hard. It’s just a corporate job, but I enjoy it. I also try to be a good partner, and a good dad. That means co-running the household together with my wife, doing whatever needs to get done. It means helping the kids with their homework and their troubles, listening to them, and just spending time together.

At some point, 24 hours in the day were no longer enough. When the job had eaten its share, I would spend any energy I had left on the kids, and simultaneously try to put the house in order.

I did get time for hobbies every now and then. But frequently I would have a day of whitewater kayaking planned, only to wake up and notice that I really had no juice left, and also a bunch of urgent things at home that needed taking care of. I noticed how I was never quite refreshed after a weekend. I saw a couple of colleagues heading into burnout, and coming back after months, taking on reduced responsibilities.

Some years ago I read a newspaper article from a middle aged dad like myself. He described how he had slowly given up on all the things that gave him joy. How he was working hard to provide for his family, to be available and supportive; but how he felt himself wearing thin. He called this mode of existence the “dad diesel”, running steadily and reliably, without much excitement – until it would break down one day.

When we came back from Christmas break in January, our manager announced that one of my teammates would be working a 4-day week for twelve months. This is a possibility the company offers, so people can try out whether this schedule suits them. Immediately I knew that I wanted this, too. So I looked up the part-time trial scheme, scheduled a conversation with my manager, filled out a few forms, and waited a bit .

Then in March, my four-day week started. Fridays off. And it’s wonderful.

There’s more time to get my housework and parenting done, and then do things for myself. On one of the first free Fridays, I hopped on a train in the morning, rode into the mountains, and took an all-day hike. It felt incredible.

But there’s more to it than just having more time. Going part-time changed the way I look at work. I’ve always been a somewhat competitive person. I want to achieve things. I want to learn and grow, and get recognition. (I’ve since realized that I was probably overvaluing the recognition thing, like so many people do.) I’ve done reasonably well, mainly by working hard. In other words: I was a happy participant in the corporate ratrace.

Reducing my working hours meant bailing out of that game. If I only work four days, it makes no sense to try and out-work those I think I’m competing with. Instead, I now feel that I’m working to live. I still like my job, and find it meaningful. But I don’t think about work so much anymore. It’s no longer the main part of my life.

For me, this is enormously liberating. I hardly ever feel really stressed now. Even when things get hectic at work – and they do -, I’m usually quite chill. It’s just work, nothing personal. To some, this might have always been obvious. To me, it was a revelation.

At the same time, my wife and kids notice that I’m much more available and attentive. There’s less arguing in our house now, and more quiet, flowing conversations. The pressure is off.

All this is easily worth the 20% of my salary that I’m forgoing. We’re fortunate to have enough money to get by without worrying much. The old car will need to live a bit longer, but nobody minds. The kids are getting older, and if they want money for fancy clothes or other stuff, they can go get a job. We weren’t vacationing in the Caribbean before, and camping at the beach in Croatia will continue to do fine for us.

Soon the time will come for me to decide whether I want to make that four-day week permanent. I’ve been thinking, and the answer is yes.